Ripping off a rip off (courtesy Ryan Rhome)

GAY MAN'S ESSENTIAL GLOSSARY
Afterhours: Where one goes when all the bars have closed -- when one still hasn't found anyone to sleep with.

Baggage: Those things that one uses to punish one's current boyfriend -- for things that one's last boyfriend did.

Bi-Curious: Fag.

Bi-Sexual: Married fag.

Bitter: What all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama (see below).

Bottom: Orientation preferred by 95% of the gay male population.

Butch: What gay men who don't THINK they act gay choose to call themselves. (In truth, butch men would never need to use this term.)

Cuddle: A sexual activity in which no bodily fluids are exchanged.

Drama: An unfortunate state of affairs driven by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their lives who feel the need to drag more stable, well-balanced individuals, who are trying to make a valuable contribution to society, down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better.

Ex: (A) Anyone one has slept with more than once. (B) A club drug popular in the late '90s. (Do people outside Buttfuck, Midwest State, DO that shit anymore?)

Excedrin: The foundation of every gay man's medicine cabinet.

Foam: Not sure anymore; haven't seen it in more than a year!

Gaylights: A tragic, unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with.

GURRRRL: The first and/or last word of the gay man's every sentence (e.g., "Gurrrl, you 'bout ready to hit the club?" or "Gurrrl, I haven't gotten my ass fucked in THREE days!").

Gym Bunny: A troll (see below) who has realized that his only chance of getting laid lies in working out every day for the rest of his life.

HAAYYYY: A greeting. Note that the gayer the user, the more Y's used at the end.

Homewrecker: The person who stole one's ex.

Omaha Diet: Unnatural weight loss caused by non-prescription pharmaceuticals. Usually accompanied by bad teeth, worse hair and a tendency to live in Buttfuck, Midwest State. Also known as Jenny Crank.

One Night Stand: A very short-term relationship, the end of which is usually signified by one putting on one's pants.

Philson Sex: A sexual activity in which everyone tries to achieve orgasm, but no one does. Enables one to have a one night stand (see above) without actually becoming a whore (see below). Significantly more intense than cuddling (see above).

Rough Trade: A one night stand that one will later pretend never happened.

Shot: When you need to get drunker faster.

Stress: A condition brought upon by the drama (see above) of others.

Top: Endangered species. See "Bottom."

Trade: What one brings home from in a bar -- paid for in "services rendered."

Troll: Anyone older than you who wants you to go home with them.

Trick: See "Trade."

Twelve: How old one might as well be if one's not yet 21.

Universe: The area of space contained within a 3-foot diameter of every gay man.

Versatile: Politically-correct bottom.

Whore: Anyone having more sex than you.