And The Bad Timing Award Goes To...

...the son in this article.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

University Police are looking for a man who victims said hypnotized and then sexually assaulted them.

The incidents took place at University Library, leading some local media to name the man Dewey the Decimator. For shame, local media. For shame!

The bf locked himself out of his apartment. So, we go over to his roommate's girlfriend's place to pickup a spare set. As JP's handing over the keys, I notice the keychain, which is a picture of the Hancock building.
JP: I have this so that if I'm drunk and can't remember where I live or how to get home, I can show the keychain to the taxi driver and say, 'Urg, take me here!'

Saturday night. Cubs win. Chaos ensues.

Left to right: The bf, Joel, and me. It's fun being trashed!
Photo courtesy Chicago Scene

Where's the party at?
Apparently, it was at Wrigley Field Saturday night. Since my apartment is so close to the field--a whopping two blocks on the main thoroughfare--I got to take part in the festivities. A sampling:

-Somebody leaned on my apartment buzzer for two minutes. When s/he finally stopped, I asked over the intercom, "May I help you?" The response? Two minutes of screaming.

-Every guy that night thought it prudent to say "Cubs win" as he passed by that night. Really? They did??? I had no idea.

-Joel, the bf and I stopped by Moxie, a relatively new bar across the street from the ballpark. Seated near our table were two women in Cubs shirts, jeans, and sneakers--one of them was totally trashed and dancing around in a psuedo-rave manner. Two guys came over to chat them up, but were almost immediately driven away by this woman's gyrations.

Girl, 5, makes bong in class

What exactly are they teaching over there in Australia?

Cat power

Hello everyone, and thank you for having me here. For months I had been telling Joel about my need for a forum in which to present my cat poetry, and he told me that Unfocus Group was looking to expand its literary offerings. To that end, here's an old favorite to warm things up.

"Orange Tabby No. 47"
No kitty.
Bad kitty.
Stop it.
Don't.
Orange tabby:
I hope you get ringworm.

Important Announcement

The illustrious Mr. Casey Newton, formerly of NewtOnline and currently with NewtCase, is now a posting member of the Unfocus Group, with all the rights, priviledges, and responsibilities that come along with it. Please welcome him.

We will have a cookies and soda reception at a date to be announced in the near future.

Joel: hmm, Coming Out Day is the same day as my stepmom's birthday
Casey: DUDE WHAT IF YOUR STEPMOM CAME OUT
Casey: that was in my frat boy voice

Two Hotties
It's all gossip, of course, but the NY Post says that USWeekly reported that Fab 5-er, Kyan Douglas and Queer As Folk's Robert Gant ("Ben") met at the Emmy Post-Party and are now an item! Couldn't get a good link 'cause USWeekly's website wouldn't cooperate, but if you go here and type in Kyan Douglas" you'll see a photo.

T-Shirt Fun

I'm sure we can all think of at least one person who needs this t-shirt.

NOOOOOOOOOO!

The five-second rule has been scientifically disproven.

Attention Chicagoland Residents

Please exercise caution when eating guacamole.

Babyface

Target Cashier: How old're you?
Me: 21.
TC: Oh.
Me: How old did you think I am?
TC: You look like a teenager.
Me: Thanks.
TC: *laughs*

As a related aside, when I went home in June, I saw a concert at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach. They card you before you go in, and put on an appropriately colored wristband. So I saunter up to the bar, excited to make my first legal liquor purchase at home, when the bartender asks for ID. I give it to her with a puzzled look, and she returns it saying "honey, you better get used to it because with a babyface like that, you'll be carded for a long time to come."

Carolina Dreaming

In the five days I've been home, I have:

• Been to the beach three times
  
• Transformed my body from a patchwork of brown and pasty white to darker brown and pink
  
• Participated in a Jerry Springer-esque episode
  
• Payed for exactly two meals (only because I went out of town... from home)
  
• Woken up before 10am exactly once (again, because I was out of town)
  
• Nervously watched the path of Hurrican Isabel

In the next four days, I hope to:

• Learn to surf with my daddy
  
• Eat many more free meals
  
• Perfect my tan
  
• Complete the Vacation Hat Trick

"Still underrepresented on television are fat people, ugly people, stupid people, smart people, and kids who aren't precocious." ~Anderson Cooper, that sexy sexy man, on the gay-splosion in the Fall TV lineup

CRISIS

My grandmother claims to have spotted several gray hairs on my head, but I can't seem to find them.

Quote of the Day
"I realize that you should probably have better things to do, but I can only think of two, those being reading and macking, hopefully not at the same time, but God Bless you for trying if that's how you kick it." - Bookslut

"There's a chapter on masturbation in the Bible!?" ~Marta, my stepmother (don't ask)

Bling-Bling.

I'm the 57,547,565 richest person on earth! Discover how rich you are! >>

"You may think your salary is paltry, but compared with most of the world's population, you're up there with Bill Gates." Thanks to the Global Rich List.

According to the calculator, I'm within the top 0.959% richest people in the world....

Postscript. It's not like I'm reveling in the fact that billions of people are poorer than me. I'm not. It's quite sad, considering as how I'm not walking around with oiled men fanning me with palm frawns or anything.

September 11, 2001

I remember hitting snooze on my clock radio thinking that what I was hearing must be a dream. Today, two years later, I still feel like it is a dream that such an awful thing could happen. I'm flying today and won't let the fear affect my life--to be clich�, the terrorists have not won.

May God bless the souls and families of the 2,819 that lost their lives that day.

Mo Rocca Rules

The battle for the hearts and minds of syphilis-avoiding Californians is on, he reports.

And if you're on the low resolution version, yes, that is Ron Jeremy he's interviewing.

More Right Wing Nonsense

American Airlines Cuts Jobs But Sponsors Gay Events -- 09/10/2003

Let's see--tend to have higher income and more propensity towards travel than their straight counterparts. So why wouldn't American advertise directly to them?

(BTW, this was posted using the Google toolbar--very cool)

Ah, stupid people

Remember that Honda ad called "Cog" where they had this huge rube goldberg thing that eventually advertised a British honda?

And now, the hilariously awful parodies begin.

The Rules

Best-of-craigslist strikes again: Rules Regarding the Treatment of your Single Friends.

Truly Frightening

Gay Men Flouting Safe Sex in Search of Identity

Thousands of young gay British men are courting death in the hedonistic and newly promiscuous 21st century, flouting safe sex and actively trying to catch HIV in their search for identity, a researcher aid on Tuesday.

Spam of the Day

From: Sherry Bumbum
Subject: I was leaning over the boat rail and somebody stuck a peter in my ass

Oh Dear God

I was watching Talk Sex with Sue Johanson (formerly the Sunday Night Sex Show) and the Hot Stuff segment came on--she was sharing her finds at garage sales. She showed a pair of jingle bells with an elastic band and she says "give these to your partner and he puts them on his penis," as she demonstrates with a dildo, naturally, "and he can jingle bells all the way to the bedroom!" She then placed the dildo upright against the side of her head and proclaimed "is that your antler!?" Other finds of note: bungee cords for light bondage, jello molds for naughty treats, and an electric toothbrush for... well, I'll let you figure that one out.

My thoughts exactly

All is not well in Bravo-land

Former Fab Sues "Queer Eye"

Ok, so my landlord was finally reasonable about something, and we agreed that since his refund of my rent deposit it so late, some sort of nominal interest payment is in order.

So question: What interest rate do I use? 15% APR (like a credit card), 50% (loan shark), 1% (Federal interest rate)?

Why is it that every person I'm interested in has no interest in me, and vice versa?