history, and cliches

Front page of The Boston Globe: "Pigs can fly, hell is frozen, the slipper finally fits,and Impossible Dreams really can come true." GO RED SOX!!!

Not To Steal Elisa (or Casey)'s Thunder...

But I've got a little announcement:



Meet Charlie Chaplin, my new cat. He's somewhere between 2 and 3, and a total fucking sweetheart. More pictures and story over on Goat World.

Two Can Play At This Game

With all this talk of babies today, I thought you all might like to take a closer look at the twins that are now growing inside of me. My imaginary boyfriend and I are so excited, I can't even tell you! We've decided to name them Elton and Rufus, even if they aren't boys. (We don't know — for some reason our sonogram only shows the heads!)

Anyway, they're already starting to show distinct personalities. For example, Elton likes to look at the camera, whereas Rufus likes to lie on his belly. Elton likes it when Daddy drinks cosmos; Rufus prefers Vox raspberry and Sprite. In any case, they promise to be a good time when they finally show up. When it comes to hobbies, babies are the new pilates!

Also, in lieu of baby gifts, please send cash. Mwah!

The Visit

Ray and I went to the doctor yesterday for an ultrasound. It was pretty cool. They showed us the heart, the kidneys, the brain, the fingers and the face of the baby. The kid waved at us during the ultrasound and seemed pretty comfy. One arm was wrapped behind the head and the other rested by the face. The kid was completely stretched out and actually yawned during the ultrasound. I hope that kind of lethargy continues.

Everything is normal; the baby is healthy. Mama has lost weight the past two months (just a pund and a half), but THE THING is 10 ounces, which is average weight for 19 1/2 weeks.

Also, it's a boy!

Here is what he looks like. It is a profile shot of the face.

Ugh, my stupid state

As Charlie Brown is fond of saying: "I can't stand it. I just can't stand it!"

Stupid Florida.

- Jon, who feels like we're all awaiting sentencing next Tuesday

Wilco...via Chicago

Amanda, Lindsay and I have an extra ticket to the Wilco show at the Auditorium Theater in Chicago this Saturday. We thought that we'd see if any of the lovely Unfocus Group folks or their friends were interested in going with us before we scalp it or sell it to some random person from our workplaces. The show starts at 7:30pm. Email me if you're interested. eliinaviele at yahoo dot com.

Yucky sweet talk me no likie

Scene: Me at Sound Bar, looking for my friends.
Some greasy old sleazoid (grabs my arm as I pass by): Hey, you're looking for me aren't you?
Me (turning away): No, actually I was looking for my friends. But thanks for asking.

Scene: Me again at Sound Bar, still looking for my friends.
Some other sleazoid (pulls me aside): [BLAH BLAH BLAH RANDOM YUCKY SWEET TALK]
Me (distracted): Uh huh...
Some other sleazoid: So tell me, will I ever have an opportunity to see you again?
Me: Um, no. Sorry.

I don't know where that certain spark comes from

Joel and his friend Dave at Friar Tuck's in Lincoln Park.

Somehow, Eliina and I managed to befriend the owner of the bar, who informed us it was Hat Friday at his establishment. Angelo said he got his hat in Russia. The captain has arrived!

Mommy? What are boobs made of?

I'm not one of them gays I've been hearing so much about lately, but after I saw Lindsay Lohan's spread in Vanity Fair a few months ago, I felt a little funny. Learn about what her boobs are made of via song.

Give now, or forever hold your peace!

Forego a couple of beers this week and give the money to the DNC. Only a few days left to make a difference!

Um....

Coworker 1: You should have your man get you some champagne for Sweetest Day.
Coworker 2: No way. Everytime I have champagne I have another kid.

Pres. Bush feels for the love doctors

Again, a fabulous choice of words.

Discuss.

He totally smoked the Kenyans

For those of you who are unaware, Joel did great in last weekend's Chicago marathon. Surprised? I was too when I read today's company memo, which congratulated Joel and other employees who took part in the marathon.

Joel, we salute you!

Hilariously Awfully True

Senator John Edwards (D-NC) writes:

Let's work together to pave the way for a big, bright, beautiful fucking future for America, all right? So all the world can once again say, "Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!"

You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?

Best Site Ever

Know it. Love it.

Best eBay Ad Ever

Words can't express... just read it.

Absolutely hilarious eBay ad for motorcycle helmet - Autoblog

And you thought this day would never come

So, teammates at the office have scheduled an intervention for me. As in, I need to cut down on the drinky drinky. Obviously, coming to the office Monday morning hungover means I have a "problem."

And where is this intervention going to take place? In a bar. Dive bars were suggested to "show Cleo what will happen if she doesn't stop the madness."

Personally, I think I need to start laying off the Red Bull. That's some self-medicatin' if I ever heard of it.

The Philisophical Musings of Victor

Victor: *hugs* honey, don't let bois pile on top of that stress.
Victor: i do that too easily ... it's important to keep things in their little silos
Joel: yeah, I hear ya
Joel: although all my silos seem to be exploding and spilling grain everywhere
Victor: well, when grain explodes
Victor: you have to make some bread
Victor: unless you're on atkins

The booty don't stop, girl

"Eric, I had a great time with you in Algebra class this year. I hope you have a great summer, and I can't wait to start 10th grade in the fall. -Amy P.S. I miss having your balls in my mouth."
--A found high school photo with a note on the back, as retold at the Found magazine event last night at the Hideout.

BONUS: Someone found a cassette tape labeled Booty Tape, which contained rap music by some random junior high schoolers. Listen to the band Poem Adept perform a selection from the tape, The Booty Don't Stop.

The Purpose Of A Cameraphone Is Found

To mock Elisa and Ray:



That would be Shiner Bock, their favorite Texas beer that they can't get in Illinois. So readily available in California that it's on special at Ralphs.

Moral of the story: Come to California for the sunshine and Governator jokes, stay for the beer.

I don't want no back-talk, sucka!

I pity the foo who doesn't register to vote!

Cause if you mess up, I'm gonna mess you up!

Editorial note: In case you forgot, today's the last day to register to vote in the national election. So register. Mr. T says so.

The Upper East Side gets down with its bad self

"If you're wearing Jimmy Choo shoes and carrying a Prada bag or using an orange press designed by Philippe Starck," said Charlotte Semler, an owner of Myla, "why on earth would you want a conventional sex toy? It just doesn't fit." Come on, you know you want the $375 vibrator!

After I make my first billion, I'm SO signing up

"aSmallWorld is an invitation-only online community which is not open to the public. It is designed for those who already have strong connections with one another and want to create new ones."

Elitist? Snobbish? Social ranking determined by only five people (and one of them is Naomi Campbell)? Sign me up!

Eloquence in Medicine

On Merck's recall of Vioxx:

Dr. Solomon scoffed at Merck's assertion that the new data were unexpected. "I was like, 'Please. Really,' " Dr. Solomon said.

I'm surprised she didn't ask me to spread 'em

Franz Ferdinand was AWESOME. But it almost didn't happen. I got stopped at the entrance because I was carrying a digital camera, and SHE WANTED KEEP IT. Helllll no. Taking out the battery and throwing it away would also satisfy her. Fortunately, Laz came to my rescue by holding it. (The security guard asked Laz about it. "I don't know what this is. I'm just holding it for a friend.")

So, I get back in line. And the security lady doesn't trust that I truly got rid of the battery. She ransacked my purse--she tried opening my iPod, looking in my wallet, rustled a magazine, opened my bottle of Advil. (It's a friggin' battery! It isn't crack!)

Then, she patted me down--I don't think I've ever been fondled in public quite like that before. I think she thought I stashed the battery in my bra, but I wasn't wearing one, so that was interesting.