Unnecessary douchebagness

So, Christmas with Ray, Elisa, and her brother Stephen was awesome. The highlight of which was watching Ray's reaction to receiving a black lace thong from his brother-in-law.



But, with the good comes a bit of bad. Actually, a lot of bad in the form of a drunk driver on Christmas Eve, who was swerving ahead of us on two-lane road, hit an oncoming car, which lost control, spun, and hit us. Don't worry--since Ray's new truck is a tank, aside from a few bumps and aches, everyone is fine. Elisa was kept in the ER until the wee hours of Christmas, and she and her baby are just fine. The driver of the first car seemed to be OK--he went to the hospital as well. His car, however, was totaled. Ray's truck? Wasn't so lucky.




The kicker: The drunk asshole who started all of this took off immediately. He blew a tire up the road, but took off on foot. The police impounded his car, but as of yesterday, had yet to find him.

More political-themed tomfoolery

So, Joel and I have a coworker who's relocating to D.C. soon. She's also hurtin' to be hooked up with a man. Today, we discussed her requirements.

Coworker: He needs to have two arms, two legs... Helps if he's breathing.
Me: Well, since you'll be in D.C., would Tucker Carlson work for you?
Coworker: HELL YEAH! I'll rip that bow tie right off of him and turn him blue!
Me: Ew...

*BARF*

Yesterday, I caught A&E's Biography of the Year special, and I felt a renewed sense of disgust about the Presidential Election when Bush made the top three on their list.

Now Time also kicks in their two cents, and its enough to make a girl want to resolve to be continuously drunk for the next four years.

You'd think I had cheated on her

"Oh my God, you look so great... Very stylish... Wait, is that new?! HAVE YOU BEEN SHOPPING???? *GASP*"
--My roommate upon greeting me at a party last night, who was herself wearing something new, but it's cool because I like my shopping relationships casual and polyamorous

You decide

Unfocus Group: thumb on the pulse of the cultural zeitgeist, or just another lowbrow refuse bin?

Shop It Like It's Hot

Snoop Dog endorses marijuana-flavored candy.

"The unruly rapper and Paris Hilton both appear in advertisements for 'Chronic Candy', a series of lollipops and gumdrops all with a bit of twist!

The confectionary ... is advertised with the catchphrase 'Every lick is like taking a hit.'"

She's got a point

Cleo: girl's got needs
Joel: girl needs a rabbit
Cleo: HONEY
Cleo: the rabbit ain't everything
Cleo: what if everytime you complained about being horney, i told you to hang out with your hand more?
Joel: you do!
Cleo: i do not!
Joel: hehe
Cleo: i tell you to hangout with some other guy's hand
Cleo: BIG DIFFERENCE
Cleo: see, i'm deep like that

Another song about the assets of Lindsay Lohan

Um...?

Smokey U.

Poor UMass can't grow pot afterall.

The most random Real Worlder sighting to date

Some of you may recall the time, before the conception of this blog (e.g., The Dark Ages) when I spotted David from Real World New Orleans at the Beyond the Wall poster shop on Belmont. I think I called some folks relaying the song he was singing as he was working the store ("Come and Be My Baby Tonight").

So, I was at the Osco Drug on Southport this morning, wearing my finest (track pants, fleece jacket, hair disheveled), buying a few things. And who was my cashier but good old David.

As he scanned my Hot Pockets: "Mmmm... Hot Pockets."
As I received my change: "You have a great morning. And enjoy those Hot Pockets!"

Um?

Why does this happen to me so frequently?

My trip isn't titled, "Cleo Does Spain"

Listen people, I would like to assure all of you that my impending trip will not include any of the STDs mentioned in Joel's post below. I won't be learning such phrases in Spanish as, "Are you, how you say, legal?" And, I won't be seduced by men who speak of their rampant STDs in Spanish in a way that's pure poetry. No no no. You (and you know who are you) can keep suggesting it, but it's just not happening.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

For those of you going on holiday trips (e.g. Spain)

Some considerations from Britain's National Health Service (warning: probably not suitable for work)

think YOU can dish it?

All those with disposable income - think YOU can dish sex advice with Dan Savage? He's acutioning off the chance to be his guest colunmist. Are you saucy enough?

Aaah, campus nudity

Only in Vermont (...or Connecticut - Wesleyan has a "clothing-optional" dorm).

I know, I know, day late, dollar short

But still, it's the thought that counts.

Happy birthday, Mark!
As seen on a plate of sushi at Rise restaurant

Nate's Got News

You heard it here first.

Adventures in Detroit

So, I had to fly to Detroit last minute yesterday to be present at a meeting for one of my clients. I was able to spend most of my time in the futuristic Northwest hub at the airport, which shielded me from the sheer horror that is the Detroit metro area.

But, as I was on my way to the meeting, the heel of my relatively-new and expensive shoe broke off. I hobbled around for awhile, but that made me look gimpy and unprofessional. I wound up attending the meeting in a suit and flip flops, which I happened to bring in case my feet hurt.

In other news, Detroit sucks.

Dude.

University of Pittsburgh lingusit publishes scholarly paper on the word "dude.":
"Cool solidarity is especially important to young men who are under social pressure to be close with other young men, but not enough to be suspected as gay. In other words: Close, dude, but not that close."