I guess I just have some pent-up energy

"I am tired of everyone flaunting their sexuality in front of my face!"-Me at the office, yelling with frustration about hearing friends and coworkers tell me about their weekend trysts, how cute their bf's butts are, etc., etc.

The apocalypse is upon us

Scary. The best way to ensure a stupefied nation for generations to come? Get them while they are young.

My luvabull birthday

My company gave me some sweet seats to see the Bulls play Charlotte last night, and Eliina and the Jons accompanied me on this birthday outing. What a great way to celebrate my official oldness. Jonathan even did a little dance--click on the photo to see his smoove moves.




There was even a little competition amongst the birthday revelers, as various Dunkin Donuts foodstuffs (Cuppy Coffee, and a crappy bagel and donut) competed in a race. We were given cards with corresponding race numbers. Jon and I were all about Cuppy, sweet sweet Cuppy Coffee.



And he won! Boy, was Jon happy.



Thank for making my official birthday the best birthday ever!

I Love You...Oh wait, I'm dying... (As seen on a billboard in New Orleans last week)

Consultants Gone Wild

At our company's super swank post-holiday party,

Cleo and I got really drunk:


then Cleo cut a rug on the dance floor


and then one of our co-workers tried to attack my camera.

Proposition

As per Cleo's remarkable posting below, I think I have a new tagline for Unfocus Group that could last us a good month or so:

"a trade for a trade and a little flash for free"

If not, then I might humbly suggest

"penis size is located at bottom of this mailing."

I'd write more, but I have many ideas and my mind works overtime. Bovs.

Where does someone like this come from? Oh yeah, Craigslist

So, out of curiosity for what's currently swimming around the gene pool these days, I posted an ad on Craigslist. I've received about 45 responses, most of them from seemingly normal people who like to drink with someone who wouldn't even post a picture along with their ad.

But there was one email response that simply leaves me speechless. And because it leaves me speechless, I'm leaving the interpretation up to you, faithful readers of Unfocus Group. What the hell should I do with this?

first off how old are you really, what are your measurements really, what is your body type really.

second off, what sex are you really. are you woman or ladyboy. if your ladyboy or man or She-man or trans, then why do you waste my time and the time of others. time is more valuable than blood or gold, thus i am sure you can see the correlation of irritation at bullshit and the finite consequences of that game.

you can back out now very easy, just don't reply.

I think i may be a little to hot for you to handle but if you disagree then here it is:

you sound slightly tormented by the land of bliss and finger twists. and seem in fact to act like any young woman should. puritanical groups have destroyed our society.

i travel, thus i speak many languages.....a little. enough to get what i need and get to where i go. enough to fit in, enough to be comfortable.

my stats since i want to see yours:

6 foot
deep blue eyes, can easily see your soul so if your a devil you don't even stand a chance.
180 pounds.
impressive in many ways and never to be imitated
10.5 shoes
brown hair, as you can see in my pic
32 waist 34 legs
have many ideas and my mind works overtime
iqs a moderate 131
penis envy is none existent
penis size is located at bottom of this mailing

i think constantly so if you ask me what i am thinking about, i will look at you like your a fool.
i think about at least 8 things at once.....and despise that question anyways. shows you have no confidence and everyone likes a show of confidence.

with that; i am blunt

not so opinionated (except for ladyboys)
very open to intellects of equal measure.
tolerance for those that are not.

think music is absolutely vital for life
knows the world thrives on love and fear and am impressed with only one of those

lost many anxieties in Thailand last year when a crack-head put a knife to my neck and said i could cut you at any time.

i said, ok, shrugged my shoulders, then stated: I'm ready. doesn't really matter to me.

we became friends (think hes dating my ex now, makes me happy, they can pursue their inclinations together).

skins good
testosterone levels prime

use an ultrasonic toothbrush, water pick, floss, mouthwash and fluoride (have one gold tooth, don't need anymore).

love a woman, respect a woman always, love cars, loud stereos, and all combinations of these listed.

love tools as well

similar to you, i cant seem to get enough of myself. masturbation is the wrong term for it, i consider it enjoyable exercise.

can and do many twists and swings and various other things with the ding dong.

have mixed blood, so i am a hardcore hybrid with all the best and worst traits of both my worlds.

confident.....if you don't think so....well....i could just give a fuck.

caring and sweet, i talk low, very low, so if i start talking loud and intense its time to move away a few feet.

willing to try safe things, have tried some things, of which there are bits i will never do again, others; well, yes.

had offers to make pornos, took one up.

played with myself in front to friends who wanted me too. and with close ones i am comfortable with all my exhibitionist tendencies.

could say i love to show, not show off, show.

love the deep feral feeling i can stir in man or woman.

generally any love of mine seems to enjoy me.

had offers for group sex and multi partners, jury's still out on that one, but if everyone was tested then the jury could be swayed
.
full std panel is negative, HIV testing times 2 are both negative (done at end of DEC. 2004)

have had no sexual relations up to this point since my testing (doesn't sound like it but i am a good boy)

not sure if you picked up on this but i am 31 and single and prefer to have my freedoms and let you have yours. not a jiggalo or anything else of that nature.

a trade for a trade and a little flash for free

cant tell a lie, learned that from my mom. so if you ask me if your fucked up and you are i will say you are with tact
.
been tied, interesting, but not so nice.

tied the dick, that is fun, can manage some amazing things. you would be surprised at the capabilities. pulling, stretching, bending, swinging, hanging weight and so on is routine for me.

unbelievable sensitivity to the world and energy, vibes and all.

yet i am oblivious to intentional pain. can channel it into power and energy, can move the chi.

maybe slightly.....gifted....though only those with similar patterns will know how to open those doors.

and, unlike many, i am not full of bullshit.

i will call you out if there is a bluff. i do not gamble. i do not take any actions without knowing everything, and all my surroundings.

laugh on the inside when a pansy steps up.....lets him walk on by a tough guy (hey, their ego is sensitive).

take a peek at that pick.

no need to get shy.

not sure if you need this but measurements include, well, if you can picture this from top to side to underside......9" 10" 11" you can laugh, you can disbelieve, but in awe is where you will stand. very verifiable upon contact and development of trust.

if you feel like you need a burst of reality, look into my quickening gaze.

once again, no lady boys, no males, no male homos, no transvestites, no bullshit....my horoscope says i have little tolerance for testing these limits. i agree.

so thats my more hidden side in a nut shell, now i am naked but certainly not vulnerable.

proud and dependent upon you being true.

i am totally free and independent.

your turn baby cakes.

seth

p.s. discrete as they say, i IM yahoo at my email prefix

"I should have known something was up. She had all her teeth."

And other hilarious statements from the shallow end of one Tennessee jury pool.

You racist pig

Hey there, you racist pig. You homophoic, ageist, sexist shell of a man. You know who you are. Don't you? Don't you know how discriminatory you are? Well, test your biases and find out.

I'm Surprised It Took This Long

Christian Right Attacks Spongebob for Promoting Homosexual Agenda.

Inspired by I Love the '90s Part Deux

Chicken Soup

Will and Grace will have plotlines for years

The American public's collective gaydar is off. Thanks, Nate.

I make one hot man

What do you get when you combine massive amounts of alcohol, fatigue, a foreign country, a party and one of the holiest holidays of the year?

Well...

I'll let Conci, who is seated on my lap, explain.

One can convince Cleo to do just about anything by rewarding her with a bottle of Cuban rum - particularly Cacique - which is both cheap and popular here in Spain. And when I say just about anything, I mean it - imagine Cleo, the upstanding citizen, in Spain, not being able to understand anything, agreeing to dress up as the black king, Balthazar, (for el da de los reyes magos - aka the day of the 3 kings) simply because all she could understand was that if she did so, to make the children happy (you see its like seeing Santa to them here) that she would be rewarded with a bottle of Cacique rum. So, on the one hand it not only made her the most popular and royally born person at the party, but shell certainly be able to celebrate it all on her own at a later time. Yes, Cleo is quite generous in that effiecient sort of way.

From left to right: Our friend Cezar acting as my assistant/translator, me as King Balthazar, Conci, and some Spaniard pretending to be one of the other kings. I don't remember his name. Sorry.

Why Cleo can't find a good man

Because none exist. Sorry ladies of the blog, but apparently you are overacheivers.

Wha...?

So a new issue of my magazine is out. In it, I have an article about the science of charisma. I guess the article was interesting; it motivated a reader to write a poem about it, which they shared with us in a letter to the editor:

--
Charmed...

Charismatic inner self
Unmistakable state of peace, joy, compassion
humility, kindness, faith, hope, love.
Goodness blots out pain of night
Breathe stopping clarity, energy, bright light
Idealized- like being with Messiah
Glimmers of eternity dangle in reach
Drenched and better we are
Amplifying beauty where it be
Powers unspoken that lift, linger near
Like wine and truffle
Ecstasy!
Not perfect, yet perfectly real
Look again in eyes of unlikely souls
When will I see you again?
--


Um? What?

Why I hate dating

Or, rather, attempting to date. It's in this nebulous stage where one meets lots of people, but relatively few who are able to meet basic requirements.

I realize I sound bitter. But how else do you expect me to react to a line such as this:

I am a guy and I like hot - but not over the top. ;)

Discuss.

Again, it's like they're speaking directly to me

The Chicago Tribune on increased drunk dialing via cell phone.

Sigh.

Every visit, something new

So annual trips to Utah are becoming mundane. Very little to report this time. What I saw:

--Big billboard in Provo of Michael Moore stuffing his face with food and the text "Michael Moore: High on fat, low on truth."

--Person on mission from Oct. 2002 to Oct. 2004. In San Francisco. Had no idea about why we went to war in Iraq. (They aren't allowed to follow current news events while proselytizing.) Asked me to fill her in. Despite ignorance of world affairs, still voted for Bush. Was shocked I didn't.

--Had $1.95 pints with parents and hippies in Red Rock Country. At least some parts of my home state aren't spoiled.

ouch

Theater ain't for sissies!

Quite possibly the best pickup line, ever...

The other night, I was at a hip straight bar, wishing a coworker a fond farewell. So I mosy on up to the bar to order the quintessential straight drink, a Goose Island. A rather drunk, average looking gentleman leans over to me and the following conversation ensues:

Drunk Guy: Hey, how does Snoop Dogg get his socks so white?
Me: *puzzled, annoyed look* Uh, how?
Drunk Guy: BLEE-ACH!

Hey buddy, do you use that line on women? Does it work? It sure as hell wouldn't on a guy. Just so you know.

Would it wear a cape?

"'Let's combine our STDs to create a giant super STD! An STD to challenge all others! Please, come into my laboratory, AKA my vagina!'" --Eliina, upon learning that I didn't create/obtain/exchange STDs with any Europeans during my trip

Notes from the road

So, it´s day five of my 10 day stay in Spain. Conci and I are having lots of fun, as seen here.



We spent yesterday and today in Salamanca, which is a province in the western portion of the country, on the border of Spain. One of the oldest running universities in the world is there (after Paris and Bologna), so we toured the cathedral and surrounding oddities. (For instance, in one of the crevices of the cathedral there´s a tiny frog carved in stone. You´re to spot the frog among the thousands of decorative elements on the side of the building in order to bring yourself good luck. It´s only a tiny frog, and the entire town has built it´s tourism merchandise around it. Yeah.

But, Madrid is a touch less traditional, as evident in this Metro (subway) ad:


We stopped in a small rural town in the southern part of Salamanca today, a village of only about 900 people. Cezar, one of Conci´s friends, and I looked through the assorted local merchandise.


More to come! Happy New Year!

A Billboard By Idiots?

So Ray and I are driving in Champaign, and we see this billboard that says simply, "Hip Hop Rots Your Brain." I looked at it two or three times because I couldn't believe what I was reading. Underneath the sentence in small print was a logo for the Coalition for Responsible and Attentive Parents (acronym: CRAP, which is supposed to let you know that this is not a serious group). Apparently it is an advertising gimmick from some group (I've heard a couple different theories on who is behind it) around town that is actually going to sponsor more of these as a series to generate discussion. It certainly has done that.