Let's hear it for Nate

Congratulations, buddy.

Chicago!

The Chicago episode of our little TV show (which I've been working my ass off on for the last few days on pulling together) airs tomorrow.

Click here to find the correct station to watch and time to watch it. I'll be one of the people making an ass of myself in the Riff-Raff Room, particularly in the open.

Enjoy!

Did I miss a metrosexual memo?

On the way home from my birthday party the other night, Victor and I spotted this on the train:


It's hard to tell from my cameraphone picture, but those are two inch heels on a boot. What's not shown is that those boots are being worn by A MAN! His heels were the same height as his female companion's. Is this some new trend that I'm not aware of?

My Marriage Proposal from Mr. Belding

You can listen here. Truly great shit.

Vegas baby, Vegas!

So, a friend and I are trying to organize a trip to Vegas Tax Day Weekend, April 15th. You know, we'll do the usual--eat cheap food, gamble, see shows and get into trouble. Sound like fun? Email me.

Best fortune cookie fortune ever

I got this one Sunday. Even better for the classing adding of "in bed."

"You have an unusual equipment for success. Use it properly."

Waiting by the Phone

In my inbox this morning:

A celebrity phone call has been ordered for Joel. The call will be made to xxxxxxxxxx sometime within the next seven days at any time of day or night that is convenient for the celebrity. Please make sure that the answering machine is turned on immediately.

DEACTIVATE YOUR CALL BLOCKER AND PRIVACY MANAGER IMMEDIATELY OR THE CALL ORDER WILL BE CANCELLED AND NO REFUND WILL BE MADE.

The call will automatically terminate in less than 30 seconds. These messages cannot be used for commercial endorsements or for broadcast purposes. All call orders are final upon submission and cannot be edited or altered in any way by the purchaser after the order has been placed. The client must know that this celebrity call is coming so that they don't think it's a prank call and hang up prematurely. Call orders purchased by electronic check rather than a credit card may take an additional 3 to 7 days to process due to the extra time needed for the check to clear before the order can be processed. Due to the extraordinary call order volume some of our celebrities receive there may be a slight delay as some calls may take a bit longer than 7 days to make. You have automatically been subscribed to our newsletter e-mailing list and will be notified each time we add a new celebrity. To unsubscribe from our newsletter mailing list simply click on the Newsletter link on our website and unsubscribe your email address. Thanks for your order and remember to tell all your friends about our great new service
Sincerely, HollywoodIsCalling.com.

Celebrity Name: Dennis Haskins

For those of you not familiar with Dennis Haskins, here's a picture from his heyday:


And a more recent shot:


I don't know who arranged this for me, but I want to give them a kiss. What better birthday present can there be than getting a phone call from a washed up C-list celebrity!?

Brilliant!

There's a line in my favorite movie, The Great Escape, where one of the characters says: "Now why didn't anybody think of that before? It's so stupid it's positively brilliant!"

That's about what I thought when I read this article.

Dingle Dangle Jangle Update

As of this morning, the Craigslist ad has received 127 responses.

More highlights (names and phone numbers have been changed):

I'm 25 and I'm not doing a damn thing tonight case all my girls are being dragged off by some other guy's who suck.
So give me a call if you're interested and we'll see what happens. I've been told that I'm an incredible kisser.
I love to eat out (if you know what I mean) and I love girls who like to pet their kitties!
Call me: (XXX) XXX-XXXX ("Sam")

Subject: Dangler? Is that....
A reference to fly fishing? If so, I've got a rod I've been meaning to put to use lately.

Hey Pretty Damn Cute, you're pretty good with the euphemisms. Somehow that was one of the greatest ads I've ever read. I guess there's just something unbeatable (horrible pun!) about the simple pleasure of, uh, getting your dangler tugged.

So tell me about your kitty. Is she a Sphynx?

Sorry there's no picture, but I'm a little wary of sending my mug out into cyber space with no reassurance. Once I know you're not my 53 year old neighbor Boris I'll feel better.


Subject: Dangly Doo Dads
You ask what I like? I like surprising places: elevators, movie theatres, your boss's office, the supply cabinet, the hall outside your apartment, my front yard, your parents bedroom closet, and the first five places you choose.

I also like creating pleasure with my tongue in the first five places you choose.

I like orgasms while wearing all clothing, orgasms with no clothing and every combination in between.

I also like ice placed in strategic places.

I like video, stills, audio, oral and dangler sex.

Love me some hot tongue action

To provide ourselves with a bit of entertainment and distraction from an otherwise insane work week, a coworker and I decided to post a personals ad on Craigslist. But, we didn't post just any old personals ad: we totally made this shit up. We made up an email address with the username "the_prettiest_kitty" and watched the responses come in.

And now, my friends, the highlights:

Wow,
Eh-ehm, that ad was, to say the least..SMOKIN!! Wow, you have a way with words to where my dangler is no longer dangling....LoL. You are more than welcome to look for yourself. I am, as they say, a tit man. I love them big, small, I play with them all. I also have a very talented tongue that loves to wrap nipples and let the teeth have a nibble. I'll bring over some balls and a Maxim...LoL. How bout we go, grab a few beers, flirt and then go make out in my truck.
You want to know what I like, hell thats easy....making out and foreplay leading to an all night session of dipping, licking, fingering, sweating and more. By now youre thinking, my god this guys a machine...and youre problably right. Im 31 (think of a hot, sexy birthday present for me...its the 18th, #32). Im 5'11, short blonde hair and hazel eyes.
Now that you have your fingernails painted, time to get the fingers busy, to dry them off faster.


Subject: Dangler or whatever you want
I think I would probably be suprised by how much you can drink...So i read the same mags as yourself. I live in the lakeview area and think you wouldnt mind hitting up a nice local est. called Will's Northwoods on Racine. If all works out there,
I live a nice hop skip or jump away, however you want to look at it.
Cleo: Whoa... I'm so impressed you read Playboy and Maxim. Shit!


I am not exactly sure what a 'dangler' is but I understood everything else you said and it fits me to a tee. My favorite thing in the world is speaking French to women or oral as I am sure that you are referring to. I would love to see if we might be compatible in this way. I would be very willing to perform on you for just the opportunity and the added benefit of some tugging.
Cleo: Who wouldn't benefit from a little tug?


Subject: You rock! ( not calling you a rock, you just rock.....as a person. you're not a rock )
Ooh, ooh! Pick me, pick me! I'm the greatest. If it weren't illegal I would marry myself. I'm totally straight outta compton and back to oakland ( not too sure what that means but I heard P-diddy say it ). Okay, I've got to hang out with you. You sound a blast. Also, I'm a little taller than you so we can relate well to each other. Here are my reasons why I'm your guy:
-I'm famous ( huge in Japan )
-i have telekinetic powers ( sworn to use them for good )
-nice person ( I read to blind kids on weekends, plus volunteer work at breast implant clinics )
-love animals ( saved a puppy from a burning building )
-hot ( if I had an inverted hard on, i would do myself....I know, what a visual )
-good dancer ( when I break dance, I break everything )
-smell nice ( vics vapo rub )
-Had a woman say I had a large penis once ( but then again, my mom is always the one to flatter me )
-loves pussy.
-never had minty balls.......tonight I'll figure out how to make mine minty
- I won the joke writting competition from maxim 3 years ago. I won a subscription-
joke was: I think my proctologist is gay, either that or he's got a really big finger!
You seem a riot! Hope you at least email me to tell me what you think. Hope the bio doesn't creep you out.


If i let you tug my dangler, can I give you the ol' snubber bub in the whiz bang?

Why I chose Maryland over Virginia

Today the Commonwealth of Virginia's senate started proceedings that could by next year produce a vote to ban same-sex marriage in the state. Despite a few token protests by gay members of congress, the measure passed with ease, much like its counterpart in the House last week. Arguments to do so included protecting people from renegade judges. Freedom to chose who one wants to marry? Not important.

In unrelated news today, the Virginia senate voted down a measure that would have banned smoking in public places, a measure that's gained momentum in recent years with successful implementation in places such as California and New York City. The senators, taking a vote in a hall that has tobacco leaves etched into the ceiling's design, said they vetoed the measure because it would enfringe upon people's freedom of choice to smoke.

Huh.

OK kids, it's once again time to get angry

One of my coworkers, a consultant on our healthcare payment and economics team, stormed over to my wing of the office ranting about a report released today by the Kaiser Family Foundation. The report provides an overview of the Bush administration's proposed 2006 budget. Here are some highlights of the budget cuts:

• A 9% reduction in CDC's budget to $6.9 billion;
  
• A 2.4% cut to HHS's discretionary spending budget to $68 billion;
  
• A 6.5% decrease in funding for a Public Health Service program that addresses chronic disease prevention and health promotion, including efforts to prevent and control obesity, to $841 million;
  
• A 12.6% spending reduction for public health emergency centers, which distribute medications and vaccines in the event of a bioterrorist attack;
  
• The elimination of a $131 million block grant for preventive health services that address "urgent health problems" affecting different states;
  
• A 64% reduction in a training program for nurses, dentists and other health care professionals to $160.5 million;
  
• A 33% cut to $201 million for a program that trains doctors to work at children's hospitals;
  
• The elimination of a $9 million program to treat patients with traumatic brain injuries; and
  
• The elimination of a $9.9 million program that collects umbilical cord stem cells after childbirth, which could be a source of stem cells used in research for new treatments or cures (New York Times, 2/5).

And now, some highlights of proposed budget increases:

• A 17.5% increase to $2 billion in spending for community health centers in low-income counties. According to budget officials, the centers would provide health care services for 16.4 million residents in 2006, compared with 14 million in 2005;
  
• Increasing funding for sexual abstinence-only programs by $38 million to $192.5 million -- an increase of more than half since 2004;
  
• A 4.2% increase in a CDC program for global health efforts, including HIV/AIDS; and
  
• A 21% increase to $120 million in funding for a program dealing with the threat of a global flu epidemic (New York Times, 2/5).

Sigh.

Did anyone catch this ad during the Super Bowl? (If you didn't, watch it at AdAge.com.) How did the handjob scene get past the FCC?

So the Super Bowl Sucked...

Hey, I just wanted to say that the Super Bowl sucked this year. The game seemed very blah. I was especially disappointed with the commercials. What happened to the tradition of really going above and beyond the expected for the ads? I mean come on, you are spending millions of dollars so make it worth our time.

This is a democracy, people...

So I'm scouting around the archives of the blog today, killing time before the pain that is talking to diva researchers, and I come across the June 25, 2003 post. (Back in my "homeless vagrant" period, much like Picasso's blue period.) It's a poll. How come we don't have any polls anymore on this blog? That's a way to up our monthly hit count. It's a decidedly lacking feature. I'm just saying...

Chicago = Laz's bitch

Being Hat Night at the Friar Tuck, a random bar in Lincoln Park, Laz couldn't resist pillaging booties.


Well, maybe booties weren't the only things he pillaged....

I need drugs

I have a headache. If you're in the Evanston-area with some powerful painkillers, please contact me immediately.

If You Have Eleven Minutes To Kill And Grew Up Playing Nintendo

You should watch this insane video of a kid beating Super Mario 3 in 11 minutes flat. Without dying.

It's absolutely transfixing.

Hello, hello, hello...?

Is there anybody in here?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?