How I Feel After Memorial Day Weekend

It was fun, but I'm exhausted!

My Pictures
Victor's Pictures
Jon's Pictures

More man confusion

"You girls are HOT! You [looking at Eliina] are so cute. You've got a great rack! And you [looking at me], you have some big ass titties! They're, like, up in my face! Oh God, I love it!!!"
--Spoken by Ted, a gentleman the girls of Eliina's birthday celebration befriended at Sidetrack on Saturday night. Given that we were hanging out in a gay bar, we were quite confused by Ted's hilarious proclamations and gyrating dancing skills. Everytime I asked him what, ahem, he preferred, he'd slur something about "big ass titties". Um. yeah.

This is why I can't wait to be the new guy again

Last night, for a company outing, we retired to Dick's Last Resort. Dick's, being a classy establishment, provided some of the guests with very large paper hats that had clever saying written on them. My favorite was the one that the newest employee got that said "I Blow Bubbles." We were all a touch confused until a minute or so later when the CEO was donned with a cap saying "Hi! I'm Bubbles!"

I'll Up Your Morale, Buddy

I don't normally write inflamatory or political posts, but even this one got to me. I'm surprised even the Daily would publish this--maybe they're looking for more letters to the editor.

Note to the Author: Hey pal, you wondering why it's so dark? It's probably because your head is lodged firmly up your own ass.

Biznass Travel II

Posted by Hello

So, in the last 36 hours, I've been gone from Chicago, to the OC, to LA, to Vegas (as seen in this exclusive photo), to San Francisco, and now I'm in a hotel overlooking the Monterey Bay. Most of the time, I'm annoyed and tired. But, sometimes, it's all worthwhile. Like when the clerk at the hotel apologizes for upgrading my room to the "Spa Suite," which came complete with a jacuzzi in the middle of the room. I don't think I've ever been so happy: I ate pizza while watching TV while relaxing in the tub.

He sounds cute

About a month ago, I found this note on a washing machine in my building's laundry room. It was on the machine my clothes were in--the clothes were soaking wet, so I can only deduce that the "total ass" put money in the machine without checking to see if clothes were in it.

Posted by Hello

"Cumming": An intoxicating review

So, I was a little hammered after a baby shower on Saturday afternoon. I decided that this was a perfect time to head to Michigan Ave. to do some quality shopping.

I head to Sephora, and noticed some commotion in the cologne area. The commotion, it seems, pertained to Alan Cumming's cologne, "Cumming".


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Said a random woman who took a sample whiff of "Cumming": "It smells like the woods! And jizz!"

Store attendent: "Um..."

At $69 a bottle, Alan Cumming's fragrance, "Cumming," ain't cheap.

Me: "Is this a popular scent?"
Attendent: "NO! We haven't sold any. Would you like to try a sample?"
Me (sniffing): "I know what this smells like! Vick's Vapor Rub and the woods!!!"
Attendent: "I try to stay away from this section of the store as much as I possibly can."

There you have it. If you want to smell like Vick's and the woods, "Cumming" is the fragrance for you.

Break a Leg, Random Person

Like Casey, I have an awesome Gmail address (first name dot last name), so I rarely get misdirected e-mails. However, I did manage to get on someone's church group list. I have an even more awesome Yahoo! address (gijoel), but apparently I'm not the only one who thought this was incredibly clever, because I often get misdirected e-mails to that address.

Today, I received a ridiculous ecard from someone named Kristen. The only Kristen I know spells her name Kristin. The card is a picture of a hedgehog with the caption "Get into any prickly situations lately?" See for yourself here.

Got 10 free minutes?

Good. Spend it looking at this absolutely fascinating piece of journalism by the New York Times about social class in America.

Got another 10 free minutes? Use them to actually think about what you've learned.

I guess working out is working out

"Baby, if I had an ass like that, I'd sell it! YEEAAAAHHHH!"--Shouted at me while walking down a street in Evanston after dinner tonight, by a random dude passing by in a car

A Man After My Own Heart

Another fantastic piece of Daily writing: Ode to Chipole

Something Strangely Familiar...

From E! News (emphasis mine, mangled syntax theirs):

[Sharon Stone] has adopted a second baby boy, according to publicist Cindi Berger Wednesday....

The 47-year-old Basic Instinct star has christened the tyke Laird Vonne Stone.

Men, even hot sweet ones, confuse me

Say you're at a Cubs game on a warm, glorious Sunday afternoon. You're with your roommate, sitting in the bleachers, soaking up the sun. You befriend an attractive person of the opposite gender. The person is clad for the warm weather (and has nice tan supple skin--but not that you would notice), treats you with kindness, introduces you to all of his/her friends, makes great conversation, talks about his/her life in consulting and his/her love of rugby, and is generally a great person. Basically, you're hitting it off.

This person also invites you and your roommate to a party nearby after the game. You drink a lot, talk, get to know all the friends, play Flip Cup, and are generally having the time of your life. These people are great! Even when this person's 40-year old Van Wilder-esque friend tells you how hot you are after explaining how they're not good beyond a third date, you laugh and flirt back. You and your roommate laugh and high-five--you are, quitely possibly, the luckiest person alive.

But then, something goes awry. While you're killing the opposing team on your 15th round of Flip Cup, your charming consultant/rubgy dude confides in your roommate that they have a long distance significant other--this person is moving to town soon to be with them! Your roommate tells you, and you shrug it off. There are lots of other people at the party.

Soon, it's time to go. Your consultant/rugby friend gives you mixed signals, saying they're not ready to commit but also saying it'll probably work out. You're about to leave, but consultant/rudgy friend gives you his phone number and asks you to call sometime. ("Just don't call at 2 a.m.--the S.O. won't like it," warns consultant/rugby person's best friend.)

So, here's my question: WHAT WAS THAT?! Was that anything? Have I fallen victim of someone with a seriously wandering eye? Should I call?

Perhaps our "obtuse" branding slogan isn't working

Because, what with April job reports being better than expected and all, it seems that we should be having a better market share than we do.

I'm just sayin.

A Hard Hitting Editorial Piece

It only took me five years, but I finally made it into the Daily (actually, I think I was in a picture about depression once, but I was in the background and the background was blurred). The best part is, they didn't really misquote me! Read it here.

Still in Arizona, but I've got a mini story to tell...

So last week, two coworkers and I were carpooling to an offsite retreat, and the coworker who was driving decided to park the car in a garage not far from our office. There's a parking attendent who likes to talk talk talk to customers, and this morning was no different. On the occasions I've rented a car for business purposes and park there, he tries chatting me up. Anyway....

Parking attendent (to my coworker, the driver): "Whooooa man! You seem to be doing might nice for yourself! You got yourself a model with you!"
Coworker (clearly taking pleasure in my discomfort): "Uh huh! Real supermodely!"

Biznass travel

I'm in Flagstaff, Arizona. Woo woo.

A Work of Art?

I'm not sure if this should make me laugh or make me cry.

Well, It's Certainly Descriptive

This is my new Favorite Movie Title Ever.

Thanks to Joel for pointing that out and making me giggle like a twelve-year-old for two solid minutes.