Thanksgiving in Champaign: So succulent, so sweet

Elisa, Ray, and baby Aiden hosted the kind of Thanksgiving celebration heathens like Mark and myself only dream about: Lots of food, lots of laughter, lots of booze... Basically everything you would ever hope for in a Thanksgiving save hip hop bitches (unless WE'RE the bitches...).

Elisa prepared a lovely feast that dazzled the senses

Mark quickly got to work assisting Ray in carving up the bird

However, they ran into some difficulty. Namely, the goose wasn't cooked. Heh heh. Get it??? I crack me up.

Mark and Ray sprung into action to save the bird.

And in the end, I don't think the patient lived.

Thanksgiving Weekend: Where decency and good taste go to die

So after Mark and I spent a few days with the the Laird brood in Champaign, we returned to Chicago. I would've liked to think we'd hold on to the family values that Elisa and Ray shared with us during our stay.

It's a shame that "family values" seems to be an affliction that can be easily treated with alcohol and inappropriate behavior.

Mark contemplates a super secret adulterous affair with Nate's wife

Clearly, Joel is too sexy for this camera. Too sexy for this camera.

Nate didn't have enough to eat at dinner

"Do you come here often?"

At Enclave on 11.26.2005.

Shoot Me Now

I'm being subjected to 20 year old home videos. That is all.

Patrick in Chi-town

Patrick paid the Windy City a visit, and quite a few of his Unfocus Group friends came out to see him.

I still (heart) The Count

This is a Red State's wet dream, no doubt.

Dept. Of Homosexual Banter

THE SCENE : a local gay bar, to which I was dragged by my friends Jeremy and Matt, upon the occasion of the release of a new compact disc by the rising young talent Madonna. Manicures are being offered on the patio.

JEREMY: Anybody want a manicure?

CASEY: I'd settle for a man.

MATT: And some of these guys could probably use a cure.

For Our Resident Legal Eagles

A book you might want to look into trying to find. Key quote:

Most [cases] have to do with public intoxication, and the often silly excuses defendants give.

"I am always glassy-eyed, talk with a slur and walk with an unsteady balance," said one.

On being corporate

Scene 1
A couple of coworkers and I are discussing group dinner plans for the evening...

Me: "I do not want to go to SushiSamba. It's expensive, it's not very good, and there are way too many 50-year old ladies with 20-year old tits."
Male Coworker: "Feh. You're just jealous."

Scene 2
A number of my colleagues are seated in the lobby of the Four Seasons Hotel downtown. Two guys from our group just returned from checking out some of the other guests.

Coworker 1: "God. I'd never have a chance with any of the women here. [Points out a slim, bitchy-looking woman talking on her cell nearby.] See? What I got these girls don't want."
Coworker 2: [Puffing out his chest and pulling up his pants.] "That is not the attitude you should have if you want to get laid."

Headline Writing 101

Sometimes, simpler is better, as proven by this morning's LA Times:


Yep, that about covers it.

Monday Morning Ass Kicking

So I got on the Purple Line express train this morning at Belmont, in the midst of my northbound journey to the office. Before I go any further, let me just say that taking the CTA to the office--my first CTA ride in over two weeks--makes the 4 hour-plus air trips to the West Coast look rather sexy. I'd rather be smack dab in the middle of a row of five seats, in coach, with screaming children flinging feces and kicking my seat than take the CTA during the morning rush.

But anyway, I got on the Purple Line this morning and took a seat near the door. The train was 15 minutes late, so it was crowded and some people went without a seat. In the row right next to my seat, was a kid (he was MAYBE 15 or 16) stretched out, reading a book and taking up both seats. An older, nerdy businessman came on the train behind me and, spotting the kid using two seats, asked if he could take the second seat.

That's when the kid, who was in transit with eight or so of his ghetto thug friends, decides that the businessman deserves a punch to the jaw. A whole variety of punches, shoves, and expletives were thrown by the kid, with his band of friends cheering him on the entire time. The businessman started to retaliate, and some of the other folks on the train came to his aid, but a woman he was with held him back. (Which is smart, since a couple of well-dressed businesspeople are probably no match for eight potential gang members.) The kids taunted and whooped it up all the way up to Howard.

I was the scared, vengeful-looking passenger clutching her bag for the remainder of the trip. What the fuck?

Are you a 'Cats fan?!?

Three Four of Unfocus Group's favorite cheerleaders made a nationally televised appearance this morning on ESPN:

In case you can't tell that guy on the left, it's Jon! (Oops, maybe four! Is that Jon A. behind Adam?)

The ESPN announcers at that time were pointing out the "empty purple seats" and dogging NU fans for leaving early. Thanks guys for sticking around and watching the Cardiac 'Cats pull this one out against Iowa! Onward to a bowl!

P.S. Thanks to Cleo for pointing out this appearance.

Your guilt-trip of the day

Seen while wine tasting at Kafka in Boystown last night.

Those wacky Tribune writers

You know they've been waiting for years to write a headline like this: "EPA not cuckoo for cocoa powder"

Weirdest. Tie-In. Ever.

Harlequin To Produce Series of Romance Novels Set In The World Of NASCAR.

Complaints by women about how the drivers only go around and around to the left will of course be excised, and replaced with clumsy metaphors involving horsepower.

BREAKING: Gays find back door into Boy Scouts

Scout's honor! (Which apparently requires three fingers, not two as I had thought.)



Halloween chicanery, Scottsdale-stizz.

They came from miles around with an almost religious devotion to get on down

Pizza Pizza
Originally uploaded by cburtley.

The old CRC gang reconvened in Chicago last weekend for a good old fashioned Northwestern homecoming weekend.

Can you smell what Northwestern's cookin'?