Reasons to be discharged:

"...stammering or stuttering, dyslexia, sleepwalking, motion sickness, obesity, insect venom allergies and homosexuality."

That last one is no longer a "mental disorder" (thank you, APA 1973), and is now considered a "circumstance or defect."

I may not be big on religion, but tonight's the night for prayer

Dear God,

You have blessed me with many wonderful things today. Not only have you blessed me with news that Britney and K-Fed's marriage is over, but there's also a good chance that the Dems can take over the House and Senate. Can you help make sure that America Votes (go CNN) and that the Big D has a good showing tonight?

Doogie Howser, M.D.

is gay.

You know you're jealous

Saw Kirstie Alley in the bar area of the Four Seasons Hotel last night. She was with an entourage of 10 people. I think I was the only one who recognized her, until she decided to walk directly past my gawking table and smile at me. She looked pretty good, though her face is a little scary.

I feel special now.

Off to Napa. Can I bring back anything for you? How about a tasty Merlot or a fickle pinot noir?